Romantic relationships aren't the only ones that require work. If you are experiencing any of the following with a friend, it might be time to have a serious chat, seek help from a third party, or call it quits altogether.
Sometimes we have friends with whom discussion always leads to a fight. Not saying anything sometimes seems easier than opening up a can of worms. This is a sign that either your friend, or you, is not mature enough to discuss matters of conflict. You may need to break it off until one of you — or both of you — experiences some growing up.
You are always the one apologizing. Sometimes, when friends do fight, an apology is in order. If you find yourself apologizing without getting one in return, or worse, apologizing when you are the one who is owed an apology, your friend might have trouble saying sorry. Perhaps they cannot see, or simply refuse to see when they are at fault. This can make your friend seem almost delusional, as if they are imagining an argument went one way when it really went another.
Your friend always plays the victim. This can be a result of the previous sign. Not only does the friend refuse to take responsibility, but he or she also believes that they have been attack or victimized in a situation. This can be another delusion that is sometimes, sadly, associated with insecurity. It can be a futile effort trying to reason with a friend who believes wholeheartedly that they were an innocent victim in a conflict. The majority of conflicts are the result of two parties clashing, not one attacking another. The old adage “it takes two to tango” certainly applies.
After a discussion, nothing is resolved. This has a lot to do with aforementioned items. A person who doesn’t fight fair, and instead resorts to playing the victim, yelling, name calling, and refusing to apologize, makes it nearly impossible to resolve an issue. Certain people simply are unable to discuss and resolve. It’s a sure sign of immaturity, and it may be something your friend never grows out of.
Your friend gossips. A gossip can be truly toxic. Everyone gossips a little bit, but some seem to do it for sport. A friend who outwardly says nasty things about another person is only making him or herself look nasty, and also is putting you in a compromising situation. I once had a friend with whom I shared a lot of mutual friends. My friend had a way of developing close ties to everyone in the group and simultaneously airing everyone's dirty laundry through incessant gossiping. I often felt guilty listening to her say hurtful things, and sometimes spill secrets, about our mutual friends. Also, I always felt sad to know she was probably saying things just as nasty about me behind my back. Over time, it wore me down so much, I had to put her at “acquaintance length.”
Your much sought after advice is never followed. Sometimes friends come to us for advice on the same issue for weeks, months, or years. You may spend countless minutes hashing and re-hashing the issue over coffee and tending to their midnight emotional meltdowns, and the situation never changes. Your friend may never leave the bad relationship or quit the terrible job, and you may always be stuck tending to your friend’s wounds as he or she continues to him or herself in a vulnerable position.
Your friend's comments shake your confidence. If your friend makes comments about your flaws or insecurities, anything from a fear of commitment to a bad sense of style, it shows that they don't have your feelings' best interest at heart. This could be a result of a simple lack of empathy, or something deeper like a desire to gain control by constantly knocking you. A person who needs that control probably has a lot of insecurities of their own and hasn’t figured out how to deal with them. It’s something that could be coupled with the previous item on the list. If your friend is suffering, they may want you to suffer too. It’s a selfish behavior that could take serious self-reflection to alter.
You have lost respect for your friend. Sometimes we hang onto friends even when we have experienced all of the above. We hold out hope that, with time, things will get better. But if you can see that you are no longer respected by your friend, and maybe it’s causing you to in turn lose respect for them, it could be time to throw in the towel. This is true for many romantic relationships, so it only makes sense that it could apply to a friendship as well. If you reach a point where you don’t think your friend deserves the TLC your friendship needs, it’s probably time to put some distance between the two of you.
