The BFF Guide for Girls: Qualities of Lasting Friendships

For girls, the teen years are often fraught with tricky relationships. From good friends to boyfriends, girls make and break relationships with all the drama of daytime soap operas. During these tumultuous times, a teenage girl needs the support of a Best Friend Forever (BFF). To have one, a girl needs to understand the qualities of a close friendship.

A  BFF  is Honest

A teenage girl need not share every detail of her life, but she must be honest about her intentions. In the article "Qualities of Friendship" on her website, Susan Kramer notes, “Congruency between our words, feelings and actions, keeping our intentions for the highest good, breeds happiness in living.”

This means that a good friend is always herself despite the situation: she doesn't pretend to be someone else. A true friend is honest with herself and with her BFF; she tells her friend if a person, place or activity doesn't seem quite right.

A Good Friends  is Fun, Interesting and Attentive

A good friend is her own person, which makes her fun and interesting. In Friendship Qualities, a survey of individuals ranked personality as the most important component of a BFF. She might be a social butterfly, an astute observer or quirky in her own special way. True friends bring out the best personality traits in each other.

A BFF is an attentive listener, and seems to have a sixth sense in detecting her friend's moods. She knows when her BFF is happy, sad, excited, shocked or upset. She also senses when her behavior annoys her BFF and discusses ways to modify it.

A True Friend is Supportive, Trustworthy and Caring

A true friend helps her BFF reach goals. She never tries to change her friend or pull her into a situation that may be uncomfortable or risky.

A best friend can be trusted. She doesn't try to steal a boyfriend, a job or personal belongings. She never gossips about her BFF or tries to ruin her reputation. If she is concerned about her friend, she discusses what is bothering her. A good friend sticks up for her BFF when she's in trouble.

A BFF lets her friend know she cares. She offers sympathy with a hug. She provides cheer with a silly joke. Sara Paddison defines care as "the ingredient that keeps true friendships alive despite separation, distance, or time." A best friend stays in touch, knows what's happening with her BFF and is genuinely interested in her activities.

A Best Friend is Loyal and Accepting

A good friend is loyal. Susan Kramer defines loyalty as “doing what one has committed to amidst changing circumstances.” A loyal BFF supports her friend during colossal failures: a D in chemistry, a nasty break-up or a poor play that loses the big game.

A true friend accepts her BFF as she matures and changes. Susan Kramer refers to friendship as a "bond of steadfastness and acceptance that allows us to be who we are, fully, without fear that love will be withdrawn.” A BFF learns to accept new boyfriends, acquaintances and situations. She understands and copes with her friend's idiosyncrasies and imperfections.

A BFF  is All This and More

A best friend is also patient and understanding. She forgives her BFF for hurtful behavior. A best friend apologizes for her mistakes, even the big ones. A real friend lives by the Golden Rule: she treats her BFF the way she would like to be treated.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson notes, "The only way to have a friend is to be one." To be one, provide honesty, attention and support. Build trust with loyalty, compassion and acceptance. Create fun with imagination, spontaneity and humor. Chances are she'll reciprocate and the friendship will blossom.

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Happiness: Does More Money Do It?

Most people think that having more money will make them happy and results of surveys bears this out, but only up to a point. Defining happiness as satisfaction with one’s life and the experience of positive emotions, surveys have yielded mixed results. When contemplating satisfaction with one’s life, many compare their status and achievements with others and on that basis, people with more money generally claim more satisfaction. However, on the basis of experiencing positive emotions, or “feeling” happy, more money does not help beyond the level of basic needs.

World-Wide Survey on Happiness

According to Rob Stein, writing in the Washington Post (July 1, 2010) the results of a massive Gallup survey (2005,2006) of 136,000 people in 132 countries found that while those with money reported satisfaction in that it provides respect and control, it does not provide happiness. The article quotes Sonja Lyubomirskt, professor of psychology at the University of California, "It's really interesting that if you look at countries that are so different – from rural villagers to people living in a city like Stockholm – they are all about the same in terms of what makes people happy."

U.S Rich, But Not Happy

According to Jeanna Bryner, writing for Live Science, (U.S. is Richest Nation, But Not Happiest; July 1, 2010) comparing one nation’s happiness with another is more complex than first supposed. The two categories of happiness, life satisfaction and emotional well-being are not the same thing. So while a wealthy nation may report higher life satisfaction, they may report less emotional well-being. Thus, the United States may be the richest nation in the world, but it is not the happiest. The U.S. has the highest gross domestic product of any nation, but comes in number 16 for overall well-being and number 26 for life enjoyment.

Why Doesn’t Money Make Us Happy?

Many feel happy when they buy a new car, a new house, or even new clothes. However, the feeling of well-being soon passes. According to University of California, Riverside, psychologist  Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, this phenomenon is called the "hedonistic treadmill," that is, seeking short-term mood boosts through purchasing goods and services. A goal of simply making more money in order to fulfill a need to boost our moods temporarily cannot therefore produce lasting happiness. John D. Rockefeller, who was a very wealthy man by any measure, was asked how much money is enough. His answer was, “Just a little bit more.”

Happiest Countries and Happiest States

According to Francesca Levy writing for Forbes Magazine (July 14, 2010,) the happiest countries according to the well-being index (a combination of life satisfaction and positive emotions) are Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, and the Netherlands. Most of the least happy countries are in Africa: Togo, Burundi, Comoros, Cambodia, and Sierra Leone. The U.S. is ranked number 14. In the U.S. the happiest states are Utah, Hawaii, Wyoming, Colorado and Minnesota. The least happy states are West Virginia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Ohio, and Arkansas.

According to Positive Psychology pioneer Martin Seligman of Penn State University, such age–old advice as counting our blessings and living with a mindset of gratitude actually do make us happier. Seligman also advocates character as a component of happiness and advocates the practice of such universally-admired virtues as kindness, fairness, and courage.

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Forgiving and forgetting: Do they go together?

t is said we shall forgive those who sin against us seventy times seven. This makes it clear we are expected to forgive each other just as we are forgiven. We are also promised that  God will cast our sins into the depths of the seas never to be remembered. Each of these writings is instructing us of different principles. However, I cannot help but wonder if there is a correlation between forgiveness and forgetfulness.

We often try to separate forgiveness and forgetfulness

We hear it said, "I will forgive but I will never forget" It is as if they know we are to be forgiving but somehow we are not required to forget. It is as if we can excuse a person yet somehow we can retain a memory of what was done. My question is, is this possible?

Is it possible to forgive someone yet hold on to the offense? In other words, you are excused but I will record your offense. This seems to be an incomplete forgiveness! If one is forgiven should that offense be recalled in the future? Should one be held accountable later for an offense he was forgiven of today?.

The world separates forgiveness and forgetfulness

This is what the system does. The system will excuse, or forgive, one and record the offense in its computers in perpetuity. Should it have a need the system will recall that offense to complicate a present matter. It would seem if a person is forgiven of an offense the record should be cleared. There should be no record of cleared offenses.

The reasons for forgiveness and 

forgetfulness

When we forgive someone we do so for a few reasons. The first is we do so in the hope that the person will reflect on the gift of  forgiveness, never to commit that offense again. Secondly, we know it is by the grace of God that we are not the offender. If we cannot forgive someone how can we expect to be forgiven? In other words, forgiveness is an act of mutuality and an act of humility. Who are we that we are not forgiving, yet we expect to be forgiven? This should be a complete forgiveness including forgetting.

There is yet another reason to forgive and forget. To hold on to negativity is to fill our vessels with negativity. The more negativity we put in our vessels the less room there is for the positive. Negativity is painful. Failure to forgive and forget forces us to hold on to our pain.

Lastly, we need to separate the person from the act. We may detest the offense but the offense is not the person. The person who makes infrequent, or non major, offenses is far different from the habitual offender. The former may be negligent or ill witted. The latter has a bad character. We need to be able to discern between the two.

Forgiveness and forgetfulness are a part of the whole

Yes, I would argue that to forgive is also to forget . The two are part of the whole. When we are able to offer others the whole we find freedom for ourselves. When we free ourselves of the memories of our offenses we can pursue the positive. When we learn to free ourselves of the bondage of anger and grudges we can free ourselves of a corrupt heart and a stagnant mind.

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Ending a Relationship - Knowing When it is Time to Let Go

At some point in our lives there may come a time when it is time to leave a relationship. This could be a friend, a lover or a spouse. It is often one of the hardest decisions we will ever have to make. Many of us hold on long past the point we should have let go. When we have done all we can do, tried all we can try, its time to move on. Heartstrings can be tough and hard to remove, we are after all emotional creatures and the act requires nothing short of courage. In order to avoid the pain we struggle with our desire to stay in the relationship, deep down knowing it is time to move on. We may question whether we are doing the right thing, whether happiness exists, and we may wonder if it is better if we stay where we are, and try to make the best of things.

Our relationships should nourish and support us

There often comes a time when we have to evaluate our relationships to see which ones are working and which ones aren't. Are they having a positive effect on us, or bringing us down. Relationships are meant to support and nourish us, not make us unhappy or feel hurt. We may find that we have been wasting precious time and energy on relationships that have long run their course. Happiness is our human birthright. We can accomplish much more in life when we surround ourselves with people who understand, value and respect us. Life can be hard enough without being with people who drain our energy.

Focusing on the future can help us end a relationship

Deep inside of us we know we deserve to be happy, no matter where or who we find ourselves with. It takes a summoning of courage to move away from relationships that are holding us back. Taking the first steps are always the hardest. By keeping our eye focused on the future we can begin to detach our heartstrings from those with whom we no longer fit. Realizing that every step we take brings us closer to a relationship that does work, helps us to keep focused on the future.

The most important relationship we have is with ourselves

The process of letting go of relationships that hurt us isn’t about abandoning people, it is about shifting our relationships to the kind that will support and nourish us. As we grow and change in life the people around us often must also. Relationships that are abusive in any way require that we step out into the unknown if we are ever to find happiness and a sense of self-worth. The journey to finding the right relationship begins with being in right relationship with yourself.

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Steps to Good Relationships!!! Part 2

Respect Others

Respect, R-E-S-P-E-C-T as Aretha Franklin sang it, is a critical component of freedom. It's the partner of freedom in that respecting another person's competence and individuality provides the positive support so important to freedom.

A contrast makes this point: suppose someone grants you the freedom to follow your dream with an underlying current of disrespect. It might sound something like, "Go ahead if you must, I'll be right here after you've chased that dream." In other words, the person thinks you'll fail and you'll come crawling back.

The same scenario with respect might sound like, "Go ahead, I know how important this is to you and I support you 100%. I know you can do it!" Obviously, we'd all like to hear this latter response because of the inherent respect and support it conveys.

Support Those You Care About

Support is an important factor in any relationship. As we stretch ourselves, as we encounter rough spots and obstacles, a supportive relationship gives us strength and reassurance. Support rejuvenates and re-energizes. Aren't we all attracted to people who are supportive of us?

Treat Everyone as an Equal

Equality is the enabler that says we're both equal partners in this marriage, partnership, or friendship. A parent-child relationship is fine for teens and below, but among partners, friends, and adult children and their parents, without the underlying recognition of equality, respect is limited, support is more controlling than supportive, and commitment is probably more toward control than growth

Learn Healthy Conflict Resolution

Healthy conflict resolution is a component that smoothes the rough edges of relationships. Rough edges will occur. There will be disagreements, differences of opinion, and even disappointments of behavior. A knowledge of techniques and dedication to resolve conflicts with respect, support, and equality can actually strengthen a relationship. Unstated is the recognition of "look what we've gone through together. We're strong."

Trust is a Relationship Glue

Trust is an attitude that could have been the first step mentioned. For without our inherent trust of each other, we will be unable to grant freedom, to treat each other with respect and equality, and be supportive. Some say that trust is earned. But trust must be an assumed attitude that is fundamental to commitment to the relationship. If someone distrusts you until you prove trustworthy, you cannot provide the freedom, respect, and support that nurtures and strengthens a relationship.

Obviously, the seven steps of a strong relationship do not come serially, one after the other. They are all important and must be simultaneously present. It is helpful, though, to consider them as step by step tools for building a strong relationship. And commitment does come first, as the foundation for stable and strong relationships. When we commit to something, it happens.

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LOVE AND THE DISTANCE

Love in general is a wonderful feeling for all of us and being in love is one of the most phenomenal feelings. When distance

 comes between you and your love, there are many ways in which you can keep your love strong and healthy. A long distance relationship can be difficult and challenging at times when you long to reach out for your love, but you can survive the time apart. If you fell in love and there are miles between you now, follow these few suggestions to keep your relationship on track.

A long distance relationship can be somewhat of a test for each other, and will prove how strong your love really is. Every now and then, check in with your partner to see if they are happy with your relationship and tell them how you feel as well. Communication is extremely important in a long distance relationship.

Although you may not be able to see your love everyday at the drop of a hat, it is good to always try to be in touch in some way or another. Nowadays, we have so many technical gadgets and methods for communication. Whether you met online or off, you can jump on a messenger service like Yahoo or MSN to chat with your mate. If you both have web cams then you can see each other at the same time you talk or type. These forms of communication give a couple a wonderful feeling that they are close and connected. You can even play computer games together and just hang out and spend time online to feel close with each other. Your long distance relationship will be enhanced if you have a computer and are connected to the internet.

Read more at Suite101: Love and Distance: Keeping your Long Distance Relationship Strong http://www.suite101.com/content/love-and-distance-a21799#ixzz1FZ2D93je

GOING FROM FRIEND TO BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

First, this is a REALLY common situation. Many, many friends become closer and closer and then start thinking about dating. There are hundreds of movies about this situation. It's the ideal way to start a relationship, because all relationships should be based on trust, honesty and communication - something friends have built in. An ideal relationship is between best friends who love each other. 

But it's hard to get started. Both people worry about risking the friendship, which is very important to both of them. So you want this to go quietly and smoothly.

Your aim is to have your friend spend more time with you, and to move from 'close friends' into 'romantic partners'. So you want to make this as smooth and non-threatening as possible. You want both you and your friend to feel comfortable with it.

So don't go leaping into a question like "Go to dinner with me at Le Chez!" in front of all of your target's friends :) If you're close friends, I imagine you already go out to movies and dinner, right? If not, that's where to start. Find a nice, fun comedy movie that you'd both enjoy and ask your friend to keep you company by going. Say you want to try this new restaurant in town and will your friend go along with you. That way you can test the waters with your friend and see how much you both enjoy it.

If these work out fine, just start changing the tone of those outings. Go to a romantic movie instead of a comedy. Go to a romantic restaurant instead of an Irish Pub. Instead of hugging goodbye, like friends do, give your friend a tender kiss on the cheek. Forget your jacket and borrow your friend's, or just stay close to keep warm. Give massages and backrubs when your friend feels tense or low, and ask for one when you're feeling a bit stressed. Nothing too blatant, but something showing you guys are close to each other. Build up that personal contact.

Your friend will either be uncomfortable if these changes are too much, or your friend will be happy that you are moving even closer together. If your friend is happy, then you're all set, and keep moving along! 




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When It's Time to Tame a Flirty Friend

Lara (some names have been changed) is one of my closest friends... and when we were single, my dating partner in crime. I watched her charm men with an easy laugh or fixed gaze and eventually learned how to read her like a body-language expert on Extra. I like you, she'd say with her smile. What do you think of me? Lara's moves landed her a college boyfriend, a few flings, and her husband, Ken. And none of them mattered to me—until she started using them on my husband, Scott.

Lara never flirted with Scott until we began going out on double dates as married couples. Now she asks him too many questions about his guitar collection and laughs too hard at his quips—all while flashing him that smile. Ken and I are left to make small talk, pretending not to listen to their conversation.

I didn't tell Scott right away that I noticed Lara's antics since I trust him and didn't want to sound catty or insecure. But after our eighth double date, I asked what he thought of her flirting. His typical guy response: "I've never noticed." Seriously?

Crossing the Line
Another weird aspect of this whole thing: Scott acts randy toward me after we're out with Lara. When I tell this to Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You, she suggests I relax. "Even though Scott doesn't notice Lara's gestures, they still boost his ego," she says. "And that primes him for great sex with you. Take advantage of it!"

Good advice, but I can't promise I'll react so rationally.

Paul Dobransky, MD, director of womenshappiness.com, assures me that it takes men four times longer to pick up on subtle social cues than it does women, which is why Scott is oblivious. He adds that since Lara and I have never competed for men, her flirting is subconscious. "It's a way for her to feel attractive and alive," Dr. Dobransky says. He advises me to steer Lara's thoughts in a different direction. "Call attention to the fact that you and Scott are a 'we' " he says. "Try 'Scott and I had a great time in Miami. Are you guys going away?'" http://www.colombian-match.com/

Easy Way Out
Should I confront Lara? Lombardo says Lara will have stepped over the line if she suggests that she and Scott do something solo. She also says a confrontation is in order if I start to see events in a distorted way—like thinking Scott is falling in love with Lara or that Lara is doing this to spite me—which means my happiness is at stake in a more serious way. "In that case, make a lighthearted comment, like ‘Wow, you laugh really hard at Scott's jokes,' " she tells me. "Lara should get the hint. If she doesn't, that's a sign her intentions may not be innocent."

In the end, Lara's flirting pushed me to limit date nights with her and Ken; now we hang out alone or with the girls. It may not be the expert-approved way to handle things, but it works for our friendship and my marriage...and that's what's most important.

PART 2 ... CLIC HERE http://www.colombian-match.com/

time for both!

time flies, enjoy!

Quality time in a relationship of any kind is of great value, but is even more importantin love relationships, because this can determine the success of one of them.

But for this we must differentiate the styles of the time, it is not spending time with your partner each doing different things but being in the same place, to be together talkingor watching a movie are two totally different times, it is first just hanging out, gettingcompany, but there is interaction between couples, anything contrary to what is in thesegunto type, because in this the two if they are sharing a moment that will beremembered and have created or strengthened links between both.

Many couples, confuse and end creyeendo to pass the time each man for himself is to be in couples, and NO! it is not, because then it would be like two friends over, sowhat do to prevent this from happening?, as simple, you should first of all talk to yourpartner and tell what is happening, and starts where the two activities reliazar share, like going to eat, watch a movie or just walking around town, where no distractingthings like work are present.

in this way, you can have a better relationship, a relationship that does not suffer frommonotony but instead you are a dynamic couple that uses the simple things in life to be enjoying the people you love.

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