Forgiving and forgetting: Do they go together?

t is said we shall forgive those who sin against us seventy times seven. This makes it clear we are expected to forgive each other just as we are forgiven. We are also promised that  God will cast our sins into the depths of the seas never to be remembered. Each of these writings is instructing us of different principles. However, I cannot help but wonder if there is a correlation between forgiveness and forgetfulness.

We often try to separate forgiveness and forgetfulness

We hear it said, "I will forgive but I will never forget" It is as if they know we are to be forgiving but somehow we are not required to forget. It is as if we can excuse a person yet somehow we can retain a memory of what was done. My question is, is this possible?

Is it possible to forgive someone yet hold on to the offense? In other words, you are excused but I will record your offense. This seems to be an incomplete forgiveness! If one is forgiven should that offense be recalled in the future? Should one be held accountable later for an offense he was forgiven of today?.

The world separates forgiveness and forgetfulness

This is what the system does. The system will excuse, or forgive, one and record the offense in its computers in perpetuity. Should it have a need the system will recall that offense to complicate a present matter. It would seem if a person is forgiven of an offense the record should be cleared. There should be no record of cleared offenses.

The reasons for forgiveness and 

forgetfulness

When we forgive someone we do so for a few reasons. The first is we do so in the hope that the person will reflect on the gift of  forgiveness, never to commit that offense again. Secondly, we know it is by the grace of God that we are not the offender. If we cannot forgive someone how can we expect to be forgiven? In other words, forgiveness is an act of mutuality and an act of humility. Who are we that we are not forgiving, yet we expect to be forgiven? This should be a complete forgiveness including forgetting.

There is yet another reason to forgive and forget. To hold on to negativity is to fill our vessels with negativity. The more negativity we put in our vessels the less room there is for the positive. Negativity is painful. Failure to forgive and forget forces us to hold on to our pain.

Lastly, we need to separate the person from the act. We may detest the offense but the offense is not the person. The person who makes infrequent, or non major, offenses is far different from the habitual offender. The former may be negligent or ill witted. The latter has a bad character. We need to be able to discern between the two.

Forgiveness and forgetfulness are a part of the whole

Yes, I would argue that to forgive is also to forget . The two are part of the whole. When we are able to offer others the whole we find freedom for ourselves. When we free ourselves of the memories of our offenses we can pursue the positive. When we learn to free ourselves of the bondage of anger and grudges we can free ourselves of a corrupt heart and a stagnant mind.

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How to Be Happy:Get True Happiness

Recent findings from the research studies of positive psychology scientists are useful to anyone searching for how to be happy. The following 15 self help tools can help you feel good and succeed in your quest for true happiness.

Positive Psychology Findings

With the advent of research applying rigorous scientific studies to the question of how to be happy, positive psychologists have concluded that anyone can move toward greater happiness. These self help tools for being happier are easy to use, cost nothing, and offer benefits well beyond the effort required to implement them.

Happiness Expectations: It is unrealistic to expect continuous joy as everyone will have emotional highs and lows in their lives. Both highs and lows are temporary; scientists find that we tend to return to a natural happiness set point. Each individual's set point is not a fixed point, but a range, which is variable based on voluntary activities such as those following.

Gratitude: Each day, recall three things that occurred for which you are grateful. Savor these memories and why you appreciate them. As well, form the periodic habit of expressing gratitude to someone. If at all possible, express it in person.

Core Strengths: We are at our best, and happiest, when using our strengths. Find new ways to incorporate your strengths in daily activities.

Altruism: Generosity feels good. The giver and receiver benefit and studies show generosity is good for your health, too.

Goals: Pursue goals that are meaningful and pleasurable. The process of pursuing meaningful goals may provide more happiness than the accomplishment.

Relationships: Close, nurturing, equitable, and intimate relationships are a significant contributor to happiness, good health, and long life.

Meaning: Pursue a life of meaning, which is a personal determination; one size doesn't fit all

Learning: Grow, learn new skills, and face new challenges to maintain energy, direction, and purpose.

Go with the Flow: Engaging in activities that are challenging, meaningful, and utilize core strengths and skills results in flow, where time stands still and your focus is entirely on the task at hand. Flow activities are extremely satisfying.

Work Activities: Maximize your work satisfaction by using a variety of skills, do a complete task, and pick tasks that are significant.

Calling: The most satisfying work feels like a calling and uses strengths, is meaningful, and pleasurable.

Expressive Writing: Write about what is important in your life, what you've learned, what has shaped your life, what you value, and what you'd like to pass on to others.

Exercise: Physical exercise stimulates the production of brain chemicals producing good feelings. Exercise also strengthens the immune system and heightens one's confidence and self esteem.

Positive Reminiscence: Refrain from dwelling on negative past events; they're past. Recall and savor the positive memories you have. Play them over and over, enjoying the positive feelings the memories provide.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, allowing you to put aside the hurt, bad memories, and negative feelings associated with recalling wrongs done to you. Holding anger and other negative feelings serves to submerse you in the negative event over and over again. Forgive to forget and move toward true happiness.

References:

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., Authentic Happiness: Free Press, 2002

Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., Happier: McGraw Hill, 2007

Robert Biswas-Diener & Ben Dean, Positive Psychology Coaching: John Wiley & Sons, 2007

Read more at Suite101: How to Be Happy:Get True Happiness: Feel Good with these Self Help Tools from Positive Psychology http://www.colombian-match.com/index.php