When Mr. Right Becomes Mr. Wrong

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Many women picture their Mr. Right as someone who is protective, generous and sensitive. However, as many  women 

 find out, sometimes, these very qualities can make Mr. Right turn into Mr. Wrong. Here are examples of Mr. Rights that embody a ‘perfect’ quality in a man that could actually work against him and drive you crazy.

Mr. Right  Is Generous

When you first meet him, Mr. Right flatters you with expensive gifts. As your relationship progresses, you discover that he is generous towards everyone he meets. When you think of spending the rest of your life with this Mr. Right, you need to consider whether or not he is responsible with money. Remember that you’ll need money to pay the rent, fund your children’s education and see to the needs of your elderly parents. If Mr. Right fritters away every pay packet he receives, would you be able to make ends meet?

Mr. Right Is Motivated and Ambitious

The reason women are attracted to a hardworking, motivated and ambitious man is because many assume that this Mr. Right has got his priorities sorted out. What happens, however, when he is more committed to his work than to you? You cannot remember the last time you went on a vacation together. Or, when you did go on a vacation together, he spent his time networking with others at the resort so that he could get more business when the vacation was over.

Mr. Right Has Immense Respect for His Family

You need to take matters seriously if the smallest needs of his family come before your biggest ones. For example, on Friday night, Mr. Right’s family turns up on your doorstep, unannounced. Apparently, there is a crisis that Mr. Right alone can solve. Though annoyed, you remain silent. To your horror, the family stays the whole weekend and empties the fridge. This happens on a regular basis. When you voice your frustrations, Mr. Right does not see anything amiss and says, “I don’t understand what the problem is.” In other words, when he has to choose between you and his family, he’ll always choose his family.

Mr. Right Is Very Polite

Mr. Right is utterly charming, genuinely interested in what you’re saying, gracious and polite. As time goes by, you realise that even if you do something that is not right, like casually flirting with another man, Mr. Right might be upset, but he’ll never say a word. Taken to extremes, this man is either too weak-willed to disagree with anyone or he is too afraid to expresses his true feelings. In the end, even if you need him to, he is unlikely to stand up for himself, let alone you.

Mr. Right Wants to Protect You

Mr. Right will volunteer to pick you up and drop you off anywhere you want to go. He says he’ll be there to protect you and see to your needs. In the early stages of your relationship, you feel as though you have found your knight in shining armour. The situation can become suffocating when he starts to say things like, “I don’t like those people you’re hanging around with.” You find that you have to explain the company you keep and your whereabouts all the time.

Mr. Right Is Sensitive

Mr. Right is someone who is in touch with his emotions and able to empathise with you at any given time. However, as the relationship progresses, you hear his friends calling him a ‘Drama Queen.’ When you have an argument with him, it’s never a small fight. The arguments you have are long, drawn-out affairs. He takes things personally and feels persecuted by all around him. Remember, you’re not his saviour.

Mr. Right Is Funny

Your dates with this Mr. Right are always full of fun and laughter. After some time, however, you realise that that’s all it is – he makes light of any problems that come his way. When you need straight answers, support or advice, he’s never there; it’s simply too difficult for him to offer a solution because that involves engaging in a serious discussion with you. This Mr. Right is a perfect ‘pick-me up’, but you’ll need to find other people to help you with your problems.

Ultimately, it is up to you to identify if the problems, as set out above, exist in your relationship. Thereafter, you can try to help your Mr. Right redress the balance so that you can live with the man of your dreams while accepting the person

person he truly is.

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Relationship Advice, Couples Counseling to Avoid Divorce

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Nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. will end in divorce. Focusing on that statistic can be demoralizing to couples embarking on what they hope to be a lifelong, happily-ever-after, successful relationship. While the marriage failure rate is disturbing, the fact remains that half of all marriages remain intact.

What relationship advice is available in pre-marriage couples' counseling for those intent on building a successful relationship? Psychology researcher Dr. John Gottman, head of the Relationship Research Institute, has studied hundreds of couples searching for the predictors and processes of successful marriages.

Three Principles of Successful Marriages

Laura L.C. Johnson's article, "Inside the Love Lab: Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work," (Positive Psychology Today online, October 24, 2009), identified Gottman's processes underlying successful relationships.

Keeping in Touch: Gottman's first principle, which he calls Enhance Your Love Maps, may more simply be termed keeping in touch: knowing what's happening in your spouse's world, what's important, and the significant events of your spouse's past. In a similar vein, Dr. Mark Goulston, writing on Psychology Today online ("10 Habits of Happy Couples," November 14, 2009, viewed September 10, 2010), suggests a daily call to your partner, checking on how his day is going.

Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Johnson calls this a critical function of successful relationships. After the "honeymoon" phase in which partners see perfection in each other, reality sets in and each partner's human flaws and weaknesses surface. It's important to confirm love and respect for the whole person, accepting your spouse's human flaws. Goulston suggests focusing more on what your spouse does right than what he does wrong.

Turn Toward Each Other: When your spouse seeks attention or comforting, it's important to honor that need and provide it. Willingly providing what your partner requires demonstrates your commitment and the importance of the relationship. Gottman finds that rejection—especially with contempt—is a strong predictor of relationship failure.

Four More Principles of Successful Relationships

Let Your Partner Influence You: It's important to share power, decisions, and responsibility in the relationship, taking over as well as relinquishing when appropriate. Liberty Kovacs, Ph.D, describes this process a couple traverses as the third stage of marriage, the Power Struggle Control phase. Kovacs indicates this critical phase is inherent in marriage and must be successfully traversed to avoid relationship problems and divorce. Kovac's seven stages of marriage are discussed in Couple Counseling, Successful Relationship Value Personal Growth.

Solve Your Solvable Problems: This process is one of constructive problem solving. Most marriage and relationship experts agree on the importance of communication skills in preserving strong relationships. Constructive problem solving is a critical skill for couples intent on maintaining a successful marriage.

This skill is so important that Howard Markman, Ph.D., professor of psychology and head of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, offers a pre-marriage couples counseling program (PERP) to teach constructive problem solving techniques. His statistics indicate couples learning this technique have half the divorce rate of others.

Overcome Gridlock: Some issues may arise during a relationship because each person holds strong opposing views on the topic. Discussion of this topic typically escalates to argument, finally ending in gridlock—the inability to make progress. What often follows next is one partner stalking away while the relationship falls into a frigid period characterized by lack of normal communications.

The principle here is to reach an understanding of each person's perspective, respecting your partner's right to hold an opposing view, and agreeing that this is an area of respectful, mutual disagreement.

Create Shared Meaning: Work to reach agreement on some fundamental values of the relationship and of life. Understand your partner's dreams and hopes while accepting that each other's dreams, while not always shared, are always respected.

Couples Counseling and Relationship Advice

Despite the disheartening statistics of failing marriages, nearly half of all U.S. marriages succeed. Researchers studying the characteristics of successful marriages offer these seven principles of strong and successful relationships.

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Forgiving and forgetting: Do they go together?

t is said we shall forgive those who sin against us seventy times seven. This makes it clear we are expected to forgive each other just as we are forgiven. We are also promised that  God will cast our sins into the depths of the seas never to be remembered. Each of these writings is instructing us of different principles. However, I cannot help but wonder if there is a correlation between forgiveness and forgetfulness.

We often try to separate forgiveness and forgetfulness

We hear it said, "I will forgive but I will never forget" It is as if they know we are to be forgiving but somehow we are not required to forget. It is as if we can excuse a person yet somehow we can retain a memory of what was done. My question is, is this possible?

Is it possible to forgive someone yet hold on to the offense? In other words, you are excused but I will record your offense. This seems to be an incomplete forgiveness! If one is forgiven should that offense be recalled in the future? Should one be held accountable later for an offense he was forgiven of today?.

The world separates forgiveness and forgetfulness

This is what the system does. The system will excuse, or forgive, one and record the offense in its computers in perpetuity. Should it have a need the system will recall that offense to complicate a present matter. It would seem if a person is forgiven of an offense the record should be cleared. There should be no record of cleared offenses.

The reasons for forgiveness and 

forgetfulness

When we forgive someone we do so for a few reasons. The first is we do so in the hope that the person will reflect on the gift of  forgiveness, never to commit that offense again. Secondly, we know it is by the grace of God that we are not the offender. If we cannot forgive someone how can we expect to be forgiven? In other words, forgiveness is an act of mutuality and an act of humility. Who are we that we are not forgiving, yet we expect to be forgiven? This should be a complete forgiveness including forgetting.

There is yet another reason to forgive and forget. To hold on to negativity is to fill our vessels with negativity. The more negativity we put in our vessels the less room there is for the positive. Negativity is painful. Failure to forgive and forget forces us to hold on to our pain.

Lastly, we need to separate the person from the act. We may detest the offense but the offense is not the person. The person who makes infrequent, or non major, offenses is far different from the habitual offender. The former may be negligent or ill witted. The latter has a bad character. We need to be able to discern between the two.

Forgiveness and forgetfulness are a part of the whole

Yes, I would argue that to forgive is also to forget . The two are part of the whole. When we are able to offer others the whole we find freedom for ourselves. When we free ourselves of the memories of our offenses we can pursue the positive. When we learn to free ourselves of the bondage of anger and grudges we can free ourselves of a corrupt heart and a stagnant mind.

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Personal Growth: When to Win Know when to win to improve interpersonal relationships

An excellent starting point for anyone intent on personal development and growth is to begin by improving interpersonal skills. Good interpersonal relationships are critical to personal success. Successful people are used to winning some competitions. But over-use of the skill of winning can be a behavioral flaw.

The Need to Win:

The need to win all debates and to prevail in all discussions is a frequent interpersonal flaw that damages relationships at home and at work. The saying, "To win at the game of love don't keep score," is true not only in love, but in all interpersonal relationships.

It's ironic that the ability to win, which got us to where we are now, may be the very factor that limits future growth.

Winning Isn't Always Important:

It's important to recognize what's at stake. If your company is pitted against another for an important contract, you certainly want to do everything you can legally and morally do to contribute to your company's win. Your company's survival and your income may be at stake.

But if you and your friend are teamed against your spouses in a friendly bridge game, are the stakes just as high? Why play as if they are? Playing to win in all activities comes at a price.

The Cost:

The need to win in all situations can be costly, whether among co-workers discussing the home team's loss over the weekend or with a customer with a preference for the other political party. If co-workers become alienated and withhold cooperation or vital information, your business success may be affected. Winning a pointless discussion with your customer could cost you a sale.

Winning at all costs and in all situations is a serious interpersonal relations mistake. At stake are your relationships with loved ones and business partners, and the cooperation and support you'll need for the future.

How Can You Tell if You Have This Bad Interpersonal Habit?:

It's difficult to recognize this habit in oneself, but there are hints if you're aware.

• Do people often roll their eyes and concede to your opinion?
• Do people involved in a hearty discussion suddenly fall silent when you arrive on the scene?
• Do people avoid volunteering solutions to problems in your presence?

These may be hints that you have the habit of dominating conversations and striving to win, even in friendly discussions.

What You Can Do:

You can break the habit of needing to win by following these steps.

1. Reflect on what it's costing you
2. Decide to change
3. Apologize to those you've affected, and
4. Ask for them for helpful suggestions
5. Be aware of your need to win during discussions, and
6. Enlist someone's assistance to call it to your attention
7. Measure your progress by asking and watching the signs

Marshall Goldsmith, in What Got You Here Won't Get You There, calls the need to win the number one interpersonal behavior flaw likely to limit CEO's success. This flaw can be affecting your success, too.

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BREAK UP TIPS!!!

When a relationship is on its last leg and a breakup is inevitable, who ends it? Recognizing that her habits have become annoying instead of cute is just the start. Her rude cell phone calls mid-meal, the way she thinks she's always right and her complete lack of respect for your opinion should all be sending you a clear message.

Relationships often go bad -- and stay that way. Even when both parties know that they would be happier with someone else, it's human nature to procrastinate about difficult decisions. So rather than riding inertia's wave, use these seven breakup tips for a broken relationship and move on.

1- Make Her The First To Know

Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you're going to break up before telling her it's over. It's a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you're no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you're having with your buddies, but your final decision to break up with her should remain private.

Use your judgment to decide which day would be best to break the news to her. If she's very emotional and you think that you'll break her heart, try to do it on a Friday. This will give her the weekend to recover and spend time with friends. But if she's the type to plow through full steam ahead, then perhaps Monday would be best. This will ensure that her busy workweek will keep her mind off the breakup and you.

Remember that there will be no "perfect time" to end the relationship. The best thing to do is set a random Monday or Friday to break up -- and stick to it.

2- Find A Neutral Zone

Our second point in our list of seven breakup tips for a broken relationship is for you to know and remember that it's not fair to end the relationship at your place, and neither should you be forced to see a picture on her fridge of you and her hugging. Try to find a neutral locale where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings, like at a park. At least there you can walk and talk, or maybe even find a more secluded spot.

A restaurant, on the other hand, is a bad choice. If she makes a scene, there's no respectful recovery and no quick way out. However, fear of embarrassment is never a reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere. No matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets, there's no excuse for risking her safety or yours.

3- End It In Person

If you've lost that loving feeling, be courteous and tell her face-to-face. Phone calls and e-mail are fine for small talk, but this is a big issue. It's natural to want as much distance as possible between you and her when you break the bad news, but in this case, fight your instincts and have the decency to say it to her face. The fact that you're reading our seven breakup tips for a broken relationship tells us that you're a bigger man than the guy who dials and dumps.

How to Love

Love is both an action and a feeling. The action of love generates a blissful feeling called by the same name. When the action stops, the blissful feeling is replaced with pain. There is a similar feeling called lust which may be confused with love. You need to decipher between the two in order to have a healthy heart. Every person is capable of great love (and its opposite, fear, which generates all painful emotions such as hate, greed and jealousy).

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time for both!

time flies, enjoy!

Quality time in a relationship of any kind is of great value, but is even more importantin love relationships, because this can determine the success of one of them.

But for this we must differentiate the styles of the time, it is not spending time with your partner each doing different things but being in the same place, to be together talkingor watching a movie are two totally different times, it is first just hanging out, gettingcompany, but there is interaction between couples, anything contrary to what is in thesegunto type, because in this the two if they are sharing a moment that will beremembered and have created or strengthened links between both.

Many couples, confuse and end creyeendo to pass the time each man for himself is to be in couples, and NO! it is not, because then it would be like two friends over, sowhat do to prevent this from happening?, as simple, you should first of all talk to yourpartner and tell what is happening, and starts where the two activities reliazar share, like going to eat, watch a movie or just walking around town, where no distractingthings like work are present.

in this way, you can have a better relationship, a relationship that does not suffer frommonotony but instead you are a dynamic couple that uses the simple things in life to be enjoying the people you love.

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