Steps to Good Relationships !!! part 1

Improve Relationships

The joys and pains of relationships are never as pronounced as during Holiday periods. With Thanksgiving and Christmas fast approaching, use these seven steps as building blocks to strengthen your relationships. You'll have a more satisfying and joyous Holiday period, and so will those close to you.

Although the approaching Holidays provide an immediate incentive, there are also long term benefits to be gained. Reputable studies show a strong correlation between happiness and high quality relationships. It's therefore in our best interests to nurture and build strong relationships for this Holiday season and beyond.

From many articles and studies of the characteristics of strong relationships we can distill the following list of seven important steps or components; think of these as relationship building blocks.

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STEPS!! :

• Commitment
• Freedom
• Respect
• Support
• Equality
• Healthy conflict resolution
• Trust

Committed Relationship

Fundamental to a strong relationship is commitment. Commitment to making the relationship strong and healthy is the foundation on which it can grow. Relationships take work. They take effort. Like life itself, relationships are dynamic, ever changing because we are ever changing. A strong relationship requires continuous nurturing, and that takes commitment.

Commitment to the relationship means unconditionally caring about maintaining and improving the relationship, even during times of anger or disappointment. There may be times when you aren't even sure you like the other person, but if you're committed you'll spend the effort to sustain the relationship during tough times.

Freedom to Be Me

Freedom may be the toughest component of all to implement. But it may also be the most important after commitment. All humans desire freedom; more than desire, freedom is a drive we have to be ourselves. From the two-year old who proclaims, "I can do it myself!" to the twenty-two year old who forgoes the family business to go her own way, we all want freedom to do it our way.

While we each crave and value our own freedom, we often have just as strong a drive to control others. Call it a carryover from parenting or a way of assuring our own freedoms, controlling another person is a sure way to weaken and damage a relationship.

Granting another person the freedom to be themselves, to stretch and grow or to wither and stagnate, is the ultimate result of love--unconditional love. The freedom inherent in unconditional love may sorely test our own feelings of self confidence and self esteem, yet it's so important for us to realize that we bring people toward us when we let go of any inclination to control.

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PART 2----> TOMORROW

GOING FROM FRIEND TO BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

First, this is a REALLY common situation. Many, many friends become closer and closer and then start thinking about dating. There are hundreds of movies about this situation. It's the ideal way to start a relationship, because all relationships should be based on trust, honesty and communication - something friends have built in. An ideal relationship is between best friends who love each other. 

But it's hard to get started. Both people worry about risking the friendship, which is very important to both of them. So you want this to go quietly and smoothly.

Your aim is to have your friend spend more time with you, and to move from 'close friends' into 'romantic partners'. So you want to make this as smooth and non-threatening as possible. You want both you and your friend to feel comfortable with it.

So don't go leaping into a question like "Go to dinner with me at Le Chez!" in front of all of your target's friends :) If you're close friends, I imagine you already go out to movies and dinner, right? If not, that's where to start. Find a nice, fun comedy movie that you'd both enjoy and ask your friend to keep you company by going. Say you want to try this new restaurant in town and will your friend go along with you. That way you can test the waters with your friend and see how much you both enjoy it.

If these work out fine, just start changing the tone of those outings. Go to a romantic movie instead of a comedy. Go to a romantic restaurant instead of an Irish Pub. Instead of hugging goodbye, like friends do, give your friend a tender kiss on the cheek. Forget your jacket and borrow your friend's, or just stay close to keep warm. Give massages and backrubs when your friend feels tense or low, and ask for one when you're feeling a bit stressed. Nothing too blatant, but something showing you guys are close to each other. Build up that personal contact.

Your friend will either be uncomfortable if these changes are too much, or your friend will be happy that you are moving even closer together. If your friend is happy, then you're all set, and keep moving along! 




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